


Eden

by MidoriKurenaiYume



Series: Future (Mirai) [2]
Category: Fate/Zero, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dialogue, Drama & Romance, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-05-03 16:15:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14572752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidoriKurenaiYume/pseuds/MidoriKurenaiYume
Summary: Now living together with Illya and Gilgamesh, Arturia needs to figure out what exactly she wants from her future.(sequel to Consolation)





	Eden

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place about a year after the end of the fic Consolation, which means that there are sad moments because Irisviel is dead. The society is considered quite old-fashioned; there is also a short reference to a Jane Austen book (Mansfield Park).
> 
> Title: from a Kalafina song, part of the album 'After Eden'. Between paragraphs there are some of the song's lyrics, translated by the canta-per-me forum ;)

…

…

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~The important things that I lost yesterday~

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…

…

“Illyasviel von Einzbern has been legally transferred to this school, and all her documents seem to be in order. However, Ms. Pendragon, I do have a few questions to ask you.”

Arturia stared at the principal, who had summoned her to his office after she had accompanied Illya to her first day of school. There were going to be only a couple of hours of classes, since the teachers were all going to introduce themselves and encourage the students to get to know one another as well rather than starting lessons right away.

After she had dropped the girl off, however, the principal had asked to speak with Arturia, and he was now staring at her inquisitively over his glasses.

She nodded curtly, inviting him to continue, and he went on, “We are aware of the unfortunate situation of Illyasviel von Einzbern’s family, but we still find it odd the fact that you, who are not a blood relation, have adopted the child and moved her to a different school. We also looked into your new address, Ms. Pendragon,” the principal’s voice became hard, “and it seems that the place where you live with the child doesn’t belong to you, yet you aren’t paying any rent for it. This series of circumstances makes us rather… uncomfortable regarding your motives, and your eligibility as the one to look after her.”

Arturia held back a sigh and a slight glare at the direction the principal’s questions had taken. She had more or less expected such a thing to happen after all, especially since she knew that he was a retired policeman.

“It’s true that I am not related to the von Einzbern family, but I was Illya’s mother’s best friend. We both knew about her terminal illness, and while she was still alive, we made the decision about the adoption together.”

She paused briefly. Irisviel had died only months before, and it was still a delicate subject.

Before she could continue, however, the principal interrupted her, his tone indicating that he didn’t give much credit to her words, “Yet this friendship seems once again odd, as Irisviel von Einzbern was about ten years older than you, Ms. Pendragon.”

At this, Arturia raised an eyebrow.

“Since when is there a determined age for friendship?” she politely inquired, but her voice was much colder now.

The principal slowly nodded, with some reluctance, to acknowledge the truth of her words, and Arturia transfixed him with a steely gaze as she continued, “As for the place where I currently reside, it belongs to Gilgamesh of Mesopotamia. He is distantly related to the von Einzberns, and it was settled, again before Irisviel’s death and with her approval, that Illya and I would be living with him, at his request.”

“Yet he hasn’t adopted the girl,” the principal remarked, and Arturia confirmed his words with a movement of her head.

“He has not, nor does he intend to,” she replied, and witnessing the principal’s perplexity, she informed him, with a completely straight face, “Having an adopted child makes paying taxes a much more complicated issue, as I can attest, and he doesn’t intend to go through that kind of hassle.”

She held back a small smirk at the principal’s dumbfounded expression. She knew that Gilgamesh had given his word to both her and Irisviel that Illya would always be welcome to stay at his house, but he wasn’t going to go as far as adopting her. Besides, there wasn’t any actual need for it, as Arturia was now the girl’s legal guardian after all.

It was however true that not being related herself to Gilgamesh and moving into his house – _mansion_ – with Illya was going to produce lots of talk and gossip, and probably also damage Arturia’s reputation.

Therefore, the principal’s following words, as soon as he recovered from his previous bafflement, were again not unexpected for her.

“Illyasviel’s stay is then justified, as she is related to this man,” he said carefully, clearing his throat. “But you, Ms. Pendragon, are not.”

“Indeed I’m not. However, as Illya’s legal parent, I live with her.”

The principal seemed to hesitate slightly, but he finally put forth his question openly instead of only trying to hint at it.

“Ms. Pendragon – I have no choice but to be direct. What is your relationship with the man you live with?”

Arturia’s face betrayed absolutely nothing as she stared straight at him.

“That, in case you were not aware of it, is none of your business.”

The principal was extremely surprised by her blunt answer, and even though what she had stated was correct, he was particularly taken aback by the fact that she had been very close to rude in telling him off.

Arturia didn’t lower her gaze though, therefore he didn’t have the opportunity to insist on the subject any longer, and after a brief exchange of a few more perfunctory sentences, all very polite in tone, he bid her a good day.

Glancing at the clock, she saw that there wasn’t too much time left before the first day of school would be over, therefore she chose not to go back home yet but simply wait outside for Illya.

As Irisviel had wished, her daughter had immediately undergone medical treatment after her death, to prevent her from having her same disease in the future. The period of strict medication had unfortunately made the girl miss a few months of school; now, however, she was ready to start living once more.

It had already been a couple of weeks since Illya had started to smile again, and Arturia was determined to make sure that she would have more and more occasions to be happy. The decision of transferring schools had been made not only because Gilgamesh’s house was in another part of town, but also because Irisviel herself had recommended it, as Illya had not shown any particular attachment to the previous one.

The principal’s inquiry about her and Illya’s living situation had truly not come as a surprise. Ever since she had moved in with Gilgamesh after Irisviel’s death, Arturia had heard people whisper behind her back and seen them start to treat her differently; she had to admit that, from an outsider’s perspective, there was indeed enough room for foolish gossip to spread.

Even though she had insisted and fought with him over it from the start, Gilgamesh had not allowed her to pay rent for staying at his place. They had had a long and rather unpleasant argument, but in the end, he had only very reluctantly agreed to let her pay for half the bills for electricity and water (she had demanded to pay for them in full or at least for two thirds, but he had refused), and she could buy food when she went shopping herself. But other than that, he would not _hear_ of her trying to pay for anything.

Arturia wasn’t particularly pleased with how they had settled things. In truth, she didn’t care one bit about the rumours that called her a greedy and opportunistic person who had taken advantage of her best friend’s death to find herself a more comfortable living situation. What she _did_ dislike was the fact that she _was_ taking advantage of Gilgamesh’s generosity by staying at his house without paying him back, even though he kept dismissing her protests and she knew that he didn’t consider her and Illya to be imposing on him.

He could definitely afford to have them there, and he clearly _wanted_ them there too, but Arturia still felt that she was somehow taking advantage of him – of a person she considered a _friend_.

As much as she didn’t like the way she had compromised on the living arrangements with Gilgamesh, Arturia didn’t however have much time to give it proper thought, as she needed to focus on Illya. The girl was doing rather well, both in health and in spirits, and it was becoming progressively easier to persuade her to leave the house, for example to go shopping. Illya was cheerful again and was also starting to ask questions about the new house they lived in, therefore showing more interest towards the outside world.

Arturia was brought out of her musings when she noticed the children beginning to walk out the school grounds, and she smiled at Illya when the girl appeared as well, running towards her with a happy smile on her face.

On their way home, the girl chatted animatedly about the new school, and Arturia listened carefully, in search of any sign that things were not well; but she was relieved to see that everything seemed to be positive so far.

Halfway through their short walk, it started raining; the weather had already been cloudy earlier that morning, but since both Arturia and Illya had preferred walking, they had left on foot nonetheless. Guessing their intentions, Gilgamesh had surprised them by approaching them to give Arturia her own white umbrella and handing Illya a vibrant red one as a gift, curtly remarking that they were going to need them later. It seemed that he had been right, Arturia mused.

As soon as they arrived home, the blonde woman saw another red umbrella left out to dry, therefore she could accurately guess that Gilgamesh was also back from whatever errand he had had to run that morning.

Illya must have thought the same thing, because she loudly called for him.

“Uncle Gil!”

“Little devil,” came his amused reply, giving away the fact that he was indeed in the house, specifically in the kitchen, judging by the direction his voice had come from.

He briefly gave Arturia a smirk when they entered, but was then monopolized by Illya, who repeated to him everything she had already told her adoptive mother about her first day at the new school. Arturia had to admit to herself that she was still amazed at how the man seemed to consciously summon all of his patience to let the girl talk without interrupting her.

She didn’t even notice that she was staring at Gilgamesh until she met his gaze, and she immediately turned away, starting to set the table – he had often insisted that she should behave as if she were in her own home – since it was almost lunchtime.

In spite of this, she could still feel his eyes boring into her back, and cursed herself for not having been more careful, instead of being caught staring at him so immaturely.

Trying to push those thoughts out of her mind, she made her way to the stove, pondering over what to cook, but was taken aback at finding food already prepared. She turned around again, and met Gilgamesh’s self-satisfied and _fond_ gaze, as he was right behind her, with Illya standing next to him and trying to peek from the side to find out what the meal was going to be.

The smugness in his crimson eyes as he regarded her wasn’t particularly surprising, and in all fairness, neither was the affection; however, what _was_ surprising was the openness with which he was displaying his feelings.

Not being used to it, she wasn’t prepared to deal with it, therefore she went for the safest option: ignoring it.

Rapidly averting her own eyes, she took a seat, Illya to her side and their host opposite of her. Arturia couldn’t help thinking that it felt far too much like a family; yet unfortunately, that was not what they were.

Wait a second. _Unfortunately?_

She was being nothing but ridiculous. First she came close to losing her temper in front of the principal, and now she was having such delusional thoughts about the man she lived with?

Arturia inwardly shook her head at herself and made an effort to start a conversation with the girl about their plans for the afternoon.

Throughout the meal, she couldn’t however avoid trying her hardest to pay no attention to the silent but intense staring coming from Gilgamesh.

…

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~To paint a bright scenery~

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…

He gave them considerable freedom in his house, and little Illya took advantage of it by asking if she could paint her room, choosing the colours herself. Surprisingly, Gilgamesh had no objections, only giving the condition that he was to be witness to the changes the girl wanted to make.

He looked almost unfairly amused as he observed Arturia and Illya use paint and then continue decorating the room the way they wished, but this once, the blonde woman decided she wasn’t going to begrudge him that. The sight of her and Illya drenched in paint of various colours _was_ priceless, she couldn’t deny it.

Throughout the entire afternoon they needed in order to complete their task, Arturia realized she was more conscious of his presence than usual, as she was aware of every small chuckle that left him at the admittedly quite hilarious display they offered, especially when Illya became mischievous and started to do more playing than painting. He didn’t help them out, or at least, that was what he claimed; but whenever she had to switch the brush, or when she needed to dilute the colours with some water, he was next to her, wordlessly handing her whatever she was looking for. She thanked him for his intervention, but he always waved her thanks off with a strange smirk.

When Illya’s room and one of the girl’s favourite living rooms were finally done – Arturia had resolutely resisted and ultimately refused when Illya had tried to persuade her to paint her own bedroom as well – the blonde woman reminded her adopted daughter that there wasn’t going to be any dinner if they didn’t take a bath first. While rather fun, painting two rooms had after all created quite a bit of a mess.

The girl was more than happy to obey, especially since Arturia promised she was going to brush her long white hair herself. It rarely happened, but since they had paint all over it, brushing hair carefully was unavoidable, and Illya secretly loved it.

Not having enough time to cook a hearty dinner, Arturia had agreed with Gilgamesh to have food delivered at their place, and after they had eaten she immediately went to put the girl to bed. Since her own room was still drying, for once Illya was allowed to sleep in Arturia’s bedroom.

Being more tired than she had thought, after her hair was brushed she drifted off to sleep quickly; Arturia watched over her for a while, and then went to the kitchen to prepare herself a cup of tea. She felt her arms ache slightly because of the heavy cans of paint she had been carrying around during the whole afternoon.

As soon as she turned off the stove, she heard soft noises coming from the entrance. Frowning, she went to check, and found Gilgamesh putting his coat on, obviously ready to leave.

“You’re heading out?”

Hearing her voice, he turned around to face her, his eyes scanning her, taking in her pyjamas and her cup of tea, and then travelling up to come linger on her face.

He nodded, before asking, “Is the little devil asleep?”

She nodded as well, and then hesitated. She wanted to ask him where he was going, but she was in no position to ask him such a thing. It wasn’t like she had any right to probe him about what he did or didn’t do.

However, he seemed to read her mind, and he suddenly took a few steps closer to her, a slight smirk tilting his lips upwards.

“Worry not about my nightly wanderings. I’m meeting Enkidu for a couple of decent drinks.”

She knew that this meant that they were going to one of the most refined and private – not to mention expensive – wineries in town, and she unconsciously felt herself relaxing, even though she hadn’t even realized that she had become tense in the first place.

Before she could say anything, and before she could stop her face from distending slightly at his explanation, he leaned forward and kissed her cheek.

It was brief, light, tender, without anything forceful in it, but Arturia immediately felt her face burning up. Even though there was a new smirk on his face, he acted as if he hadn’t seen her blush.

“As much as I’d like the opposite, don’t wait up for me, my love. You’re tired, and you deserve some rest.”

He turned away, but he had barely reached the door when she managed to find her voice again.

“I’m not your love,” she called after him, a frown on her face.

He paused, and turned his head again, to look at her over his shoulder. The strange expression on his face made her inhale sharply.

“Yes, you _are_ , Arturia. All that needs to be determined is whether or not I’m _yours_.”

When the door finally closed behind him, Arturia’s face still hadn’t gone back to its normal colour.

…

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~A familiar loneliness~

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“Illya–! ILLYA!”

Arturia’s voice was full of horrified desperation as she just barely managed to reach the eight-year-old girl. Pulling her to her chest, she jumped away from the street and landed hard on the asphalt on the side, rolling across it, still holding Illya to her protectively.

The car that had been about to run over them didn’t even slow down, while a few people who were passing by stopped to inquire after them and sent curses in the direction of the speeding car that had already disappeared.

Illya was wailing loudly against her chest, clutching at her coat in fear, while Arturia slowly got to a sitting position, dazedly giving some words of reassurance to the people kindly asking if she needed help.

She could feel her heart beating wildly, creating a strange, empty noise in her ears, and she kept the little girl – _her adopted daughter_ – as close to her as possible. She quickly got herself together, however, when Illya’s frightened sobs broke through her numbness.

“You’re okay…! You’re fine, Illya…! We’re both fine…! Nothing’s happened, everything’s fine…” she kept murmuring calmingly, cradling her even closer and letting her hands start to caress her head, the movement starting out stiff but quickly falling into a rhythm.

Her precious Illya could have died. Irisviel’s beloved daughter could have died. Even as her heart didn’t quiet down, Arturia was glad to feel the relief for the fact that Illya was _alive_ …

She could not bring herself to stand up though, because it would have meant letting Illya go, and she didn’t intend to do that just yet. She was still sitting on the sidewalk, but logically, she knew she couldn’t stay there forever. With some difficulty, feeling her side throbbing slightly – where she had landed earlier, even though she knew it wasn’t anything too serious – she took out the phone from her pocket with one hand, the other remaining around Illya.

She didn’t even realize that she had automatically called Gilgamesh, at least not until she heard him answer.

“Gilgamesh?” Her voice came out strange to her own ears.

“Arturia?” He was immediately alert, she could tell that he had guessed that something was amiss. “What happened? Are you all right?”

She would have felt some warmth at the concern in his voice, hadn’t she still been unconsciously recovering from the shock.

“No,” she therefore began, truthfully. “There… there was almost an accident. A serious accident. A car ran a red light and almost… Illya was nearly–… She’s fine however. Nothing happened.”

She inhaled slowly, knowing that her words had come out in a chaotic mess, but went on, “She’s fine. Very shaken, but she’s fine.” In spite of herself, her voice trembled slightly.

There was a long pause, and then he asked, “Where are you now?”

Something stern in his tone made it clear that he wanted an answer right away.

She explained what street it was, not too far from the school, even though she wondered why he wanted to know, and why she was answering him without hesitation.

“I will be there shortly,” was all he said, and the call ended.

Arturia stared at the phone for a second, trying to understand the pandemonium of emotions that were coursing through her, but then pushed them out of her mind, bringing her focus back on the girl still shaking in her arms. Illya had been through an almost-death experience, she couldn’t waste any time in attempting to sort out her complicated feelings for Gilgamesh.

Just a few minutes before, they had been waiting at the traffic lights to cross the street. As soon as the light had become green for pedestrians, the girl had jumped forward very happily. But just a couple of steps later, she had stopped, seeing a shadow approach, belonging to a car speeding past the red light. Illya’s dark red eyes had widened and she had frozen in place as the car came closer and closer, at unforgiving speed…– Arturia had screamed her name and launched herself forward, barely succeeding in making them both land out of harm’s way.

Illya could have _died_. The blonde woman tightened her hold around her, suddenly feeling cold in terror.

She didn’t know how much time had passed when she suddenly heard a voice she knew very well call her.

“Arturia!” A car had stopped nearby, and Gilgamesh was stepping out of it. “Illya!”

He approached them swiftly and leaned down to their level. She was still sitting on the concrete, not having moved from her previous position.

He met her eyes briefly, but then looked at the tear-stained face of the girl, who had distanced herself from Arturia the smallest amount possible in order to be able to stare at him.

To Arturia’s astonishment, he gave a warm smile.

He leaned even closer, ruffled the girl’s hair, and murmured, oddly affectionately, “Little devil.”

Illya actually smiled back at hearing his favourite pet name for her, her eyes filling with tears again. She extended her arms towards Gilgamesh; Arturia gently let her go and he welcomed the girl, allowing her to cry against his coat.

“Snotty brat,” he added, patting the girl on the back as he straightened into a standing position.

Arturia was still sitting on the ground, but being now reassured about Illya’s safety – she wouldn’t have released her if she hadn’t known that Gilgamesh was trustworthy – she brought herself back to her feet. The movement was a bit too abrupt and she swayed slightly, unable to prevent a wince either, but she managed to regain her balance, and her composure, before anyone noticed.

Gilgamesh’s free arm, which had been patting the little girl on the back, suddenly sneaked around Arturia’s shoulders, pulling her close to him as well. She met his eyes again, and realized that, contrary to what she had thought, he had seen her not being entirely steady on her feet. That meant that he had probably noticed her wince of pain as well.

She didn’t have the time to do or say anything, because he pulled her even closer, so that he was now hugging them both.

“You’re both fine,” he murmured. “You’re both alive and well.”

The next moment, he released her and looked at Illya again.

“Let us do something I deplore. Let’s go get some ice-cream.”

Illya gawked at him, while Arturia furrowed her brow. She was starting to feel more in her wits again, and his behaviour was becoming far too strange in her eyes.

But before she could enquire about it, he stared at her directly with a smirk and uttered curtly, in a display of nonchalance that was slightly forced, “You both need some sugar at the moment, therefore no objection will be tolerated.”

It was clear that the little girl wasn’t understanding his behaviour either, but Illya didn’t waste any more time in trying to figure it out and simply let out a squeal of delight, bringing her arms around Gilgamesh again to hug him.

He chuckled lightly, and then casually grasped Arturia’s hand as he started walking towards an ice-cream shop nearby. Not for a second did he let the girl away from his arms, and the blonde woman couldn’t help feeling a surge of gratitude for that: she knew that Illya needed the human contact as much as possible at the moment.

It was not until they sat down with their ice-cream bowls that Arturia realized how hungry she actually felt and, judging by how eagerly Illya was digging in, she wasn’t the only one feeling famished. And it wasn’t until the waiter smiled at them indulgently when Illya prettily asked for a second bowl that she realized that, once again, they looked like a _family_.

She forced those ridiculous considerations out of her mind. What mattered at the moment was make sure Illya recovered from the shock of risking her life; anything regarding her complicated relationship with Gilgamesh was going to have to wait.

There had to be an order in everything – and her tumultuous feelings were definitely not among the most important issues she needed to deal with.

…

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~I’ll take your hand~

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…

Once they finished their ice-cream, Illya climbed back into Arturia’s arms, hugging her again, but this time she had a content expression on her face and wasn’t crying anymore. Arturia smiled as she walked towards the car with her.

Gilgamesh opened the door for her, but she shook her head, indicating that she wanted to sit in the back to be able to keep the girl close, and she was surprised by the soft look that crossed his eyes before a smirk appeared on his lips again and he complied with her request.

“Let’s go home.” He met her eyes in the rear-view mirror, and grinned when Illya wriggled to the side a little to be able to see him as well.

As soon as they arrived at the house, he took the girl to him again, letting her hug him, and he snatched Arturia’s hand before she could think of protesting. She frowned slightly, wondering if he was holding the girl himself because he suspected she was hurt due to the fall, but ultimately decided to let go of her suspicions.

When she didn’t object to the contact, he tightened his hold slightly as he guided them both inside.

The rest of the afternoon Arturia made sure to distract her adopted daughter and make her laugh as much as possible. They ended up watching a comedy show, and Arturia was inwardly grateful for the existence of such programs, as she was still feeling rather overwhelmed by the earlier events and hadn’t yet calmed down completely.

Illya was perfectly happy to chat about what they had watched on television throughout dinner, but then, her tiredness catching up with her, she didn’t protest when Arturia glanced at the clock and gave her the look that meant it was bedtime.

The blonde woman didn’t even realize her own exhaustion until she was back in the recently re-decorated living room after having put the girl to bed. The new couch in there was extremely comfortable, and it took her only a few minutes to fall asleep as well.

She woke up just a couple of hours later though, only to notice that someone had put a blanket over her. She felt a bit stiff, but her side didn’t hurt anymore – confirming to her that, even though she had gotten some bruises, they were all minor – and she was less overwhelmed than earlier.

When she attempted to get up, she saw a movement across the room and realized that Gilgamesh – who was obviously the one who had given her the blanket – was sitting on the armchair, sipping on his ever-present glass of wine.

He frowned at her, and then gave her a strange glare.

“Why are you awake?” he bluntly accused her. “You need rest. Sleep.”

Even though it had come out as an order, Arturia didn’t feel like getting irritated at him; at the same time, she didn’t feel like complying either. She knew she hadn’t had enough sleep yet, but it wasn’t a valid motivation to make her seek that blissful oblivion again, and she brought herself to a sitting position.

Her features contracted slightly as images from earlier in the day flashed through her mind: Illya standing still in the middle of the road, wide-eyed and terrified, as a car driving far too fast was coming straight at her…

She was brought back to the present when hands grabbed her shoulders and shook her fiercely.

“Snap out of it, Arturia!” Gilgamesh angrily shouted at her.

Glaring at him, she tried to bring her arms forward to push him off, but they were imprisoned in his grip.

She gritted her teeth and hissed, “Release me.”

To her relief, he did, but he glared right back at her.

“The girl is fine. She’s well. She’s _safe_. Go back to your normal self now.”

Arturia stared straight at him, allowing his words to slowly, cautiously reach her and sink in, and letting them finally make her calm down for real. She let out a breath she hadn’t even realized she was holding.

She looked away from him, getting lost in her thoughts again, but this time focusing solely on the positive events of the day. After a moment, Gilgamesh silently took a seat next to her, crimson eyes studying her intently.

“It was nice of you to take us to get ice-cream,” she suddenly told him, meeting his gaze again.

Not giving him the time to give her one of his undoubtedly haughty replies, she continued, “It was a… pleasant occurrence. It was as if we were a family.”

She paused, and then forced herself to keep being honest. “It would be nice to truly _be_ a family like we seemed to be today.” She fought against the urge to clench her fists in slight embarrassment as she saw how his eyes seemed to flash with life. “But I can’t afford it.”

She turned slightly on the couch, making sure she was facing him fully. “I don’t understand what you truly want,” she admitted. “And therefore I don’t understand what I can truly give.”

Gilgamesh’s eyebrows were both raised, and he averted his gaze, shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe his ears – and he scoffed.

“If what worries you is the girl, then you already know the truth. I don’t dislike her. I have given my word that I would protect her and care for her, and that means that I will not allow her to be harmed.”

Arturia’s features remained neutral as she considered his words carefully before replying, “Then you should understand my current… uncertainty.” She loathed having to use such a word, but she knew it was accurate. “I am responsible for Illya; not just because I promised I would look after her, but because I love her and want to do everything I can for her. And aside from that, I have a job as well. I… I don’t have the time to think about anything else, and that includes feelings. For you.”

She almost stumbled over her last words, but she managed to keep herself together and even felt sufficiently composed to meet his eyes again. He was staring at her contemplatively and didn’t say anything for a while.

In a sudden and unexpected movement, however, he leaned forward, and his lips touched hers.

Her eyes widened and a very unwelcome pink tinge spread over her cheeks as she pulled back abruptly. The contact had startled her, being similar to the kiss to the cheek he had given her just a few weeks before, but to her own reluctance, she had to concede that it hadn’t been something she disliked.

And judging by the way he was looking at her, he seemed to know this.

“You display quite an interesting reaction,” he observed, as if on cue.

Slightly amused, in spite of herself, by his roundabout way of saying things, she nodded, but then repeated, “I don’t have the time to think about what it means. I…”

She didn’t allow herself to have any more hesitations, she needed to lay down the truth. “I can’t be with you,” she said earnestly. “I don’t know what my feelings are, therefore I can’t be with you, as it would be unfair towards you.”

To her surprise, he heaved a sigh. It was rare for him to allow her to see him be anything less than perfect, therefore the small hints of tiredness she could notice took her aback. She was reminded of the fact that she wasn’t the only one who was affected and likely fatigued by what had happened earlier in the day, and she lowered her eyes, feeling a stab of guilt for having forgotten about it.

“Arturia,” his voice was serious, but had a slight edge in it that made her snap her head up again to look at him. “You told me yourself that you value our friendship. Do you really believe I don’t hold it in high regard as well?”

The question lingered in the air between them for a few instants, and then he went on, pointing out with some coldness, “I have not demanded anything from you, I am not trying to put any pressure on you, and neither will I do such a thing in the future. The fact that you are confused at the moment, while undoubtedly disagreeable for you, is however _your_ problem.”

It was a harsh statement, quite blunt and even hurtful, but unfortunately true, Arturia realized.

He wasn’t done though.

“It certainly doesn’t change things for me – you know that I am in love with you. I will not have you doubtful or unwilling though, and that is why I can wait. I do not mind waiting, for you are worth it.” A slow grin curved his lips. “And as I reminded you, I will not try to take advantage of your temporary vulnerability – because I am someone you called your friend, and therefore I am your _friend_ first.”

Arturia stared at him, her blush increasing, but then decided not to care and simply asked him, with equal bluntness, “What will you do if I decide to pull away? If I can’t return your feelings?”

She could tell, deep inside herself, that what she was suggesting was a possibility she didn’t really believe in, but it was a possibility nonetheless, and she needed to address it.

Gilgamesh scoffed again, this time with some impatience.

“Have you suddenly turned deaf?” The rudeness didn’t faze her, she was used to the abrupt shifts in his mood, going from serious to passionate to irritated was nothing new. “Every second I spend with you and on you is not necessarily to obtain your love; it’s something I like doing. As I told you, _you are worth it_. Acknowledge that, Arturia.” His voice became sharp. “Recognize that you are important to me _regardless_ of you loving me back.”

Suddenly, his tone softened. “It’s very late.” He got to his feet again, and gave her a strange glance, eyes lingering on her face. “You need rest, my love.”

“Will you stop calling me that,” she demanded, but she could hear her tone sounding half-hearted to her own ears.

He lifted an eyebrow at her, amused.

“If you insist, _in public_ I will refrain from doing so. But when I’m alone with you, since you have the right to tell me that you are confused, I have the right to tell you that I love you.”

He leaned down once again, his lips touching her cheek in a fleeting peck.

“Now _sleep_ ,” he ordered, turning around to leave.

She wasn’t yet ready to let him go so easily.

“How are you not nervous at admitting your feelings so openly?” she questioned, genuinely curious about him being so relaxed about the entire ordeal.

He turned again, looking at her contemplatively once more, before a new smirk appeared on his face, even though this time it was somewhat more mysterious.

“When you’ll feel the same as I do, you will know.” He was at the living room’s door, and glanced at her one last time. “Rest, Arturia.”

He was already outside when her voice reached him.

“It’s nice to see different sides of you, Gilgamesh,” she said quietly. “And to see that you can be a reliable friend as well.”

He whipped his head around abruptly, but she was not looking at him, even though there was a small smile on her lips now.

“You should rest too.”

Her last words reminded him of the fact that it was indeed late, and he turned off the lights before walking to his own room.

Had he lingered any longer, he would have seen her shake her head, the small smile still tilting her lips upwards, before she finally lay down and let sleep overcome her.

…

…

...

~Just say goodbye~

...

…

…

Illya enjoyed going to school, at least most of the time. She had made friends there, and even though she wasn’t yet very close with any of them, she had settled comfortably in that new environment.

Arturia made sure she never missed classes, but on the anniversary of Irisviel’s death, she knew it was best if she took the day off from work as well and spent it with her adopted daughter.

Gilgamesh came with them to the cemetery. They hadn’t asked him, nor had _he_ asked to come, he was simply ready to leave when they were, and they soon found themselves in front of the tombstone, the mood sombre.

Illya held flowers in her arms as she stared into nothing, her eyes glistening but refusing to let even one tear fall.

Arturia caressed the little girl’s hair, giving her all the time she needed to say her prayers.

Inwardly, aside from feeling sadness, she was unable to completely stifle her anger at the girl’s father. Kiritsugu had been present at Irisviel’s funeral, and he did call from time to time to briefly speak to Illya, but that was all. He did remember he had a daughter, and Arturia valued that, but he did not express any more interest in her or in her life. The blonde woman knew that his sporadic contact was more due to his dislike for _her_ than his disinterest for Illya, but all the same, it didn’t excuse his behaviour.

After Irisviel’s funeral, she had stopped Kiritsugu from leaving, and spoken with him alone. She had offered to let him see Illya as often as he wished, because she knew that the little girl loved her father and, while he had never been very attentive towards her, he had never mistreated her either. But Kiritsugu had categorically refused to take her up on her offer, even when she had suggested to have Gilgamesh take Illya to meet him instead of herself, knowing about his profound dislike for her. He had made it plain that, while he didn’t intend to completely disappear from her life, he wasn’t going to be involved in Illya’s upbringing either. Even though she had expected this, she had still had to hold herself back from causing him physical harm and had therefore left without another word.

Still caressing the girl’s long white hair, Arturia wondered if Kiritsugu was ever going to change his mind. She herself had no love for him, disgusted as she was by his behaviour towards Irisviel in the past, especially his cheating on her; but he was still Illya’s father, and she didn’t want Illya to suffer because of his basically abandoning her.

When she had mentioned this to Gilgamesh, he had scoffed haughtily and curtly told her that she was worrying too much about it, as the girl was obviously much better off without him, and didn’t seem to miss him either. In spite of herself, Arturia had had to admit that he was right.

Illya’s voice broke through her thoughts.

“Do you think mommy would like my new school?”

Her hand paused for a moment, but then resumed caressing Illya’s hair.

“Your mother chose the school for you,” she revealed gently. Illya’s eyes turned to her, surprised, and Arturia smiled at her. “If you want, you can tell her about it.”

Illya looked back at the grey stone, and swallowed briefly. Then she began to talk, hesitantly at first, but then with more confidence.

Arturia kept caressing her hair, listening silently as Illya described her classes, her new friends, the surgeries she had had to undergo, the movies she had seen, the times she had cooked with Arturia, the painting of her bedroom, and all the things that had happened to her throughout the past year, not necessarily in chronological order.

She listened, and even though her expression remained composed, she grieved inside.

A year before, Arturia had lost her best friend; Illya had lost her mother.

She hadn’t even realized that a tear had fallen down her cheek when there was suddenly a warm hand on it, wiping it away. She stared at Gilgamesh in shock, having almost forgotten that he was there with them.

He was looking at her intently, and something in his eyes made her extremely uncomfortable, because it was as if he could see right into her soul. She wasn’t used to being understood in such a way, therefore her instinct was to retreat into her shell as rapidly as possible. She averted her eyes.

Illya had a lot to tell her mother, therefore they stayed at the cemetery for quite a while. Arturia didn’t mind in the least though.

Once they decided they were ready to leave, they had several things planned. She had agreed with the girl that they were going to do everything they knew Irisviel would have liked, and that was why they found themselves at an exposition of ‘ancient’ cars. They both knew that Irisviel would have absolutely loved them; they took their time in trying to figure out which model had been the fastest, and wondered if Irisviel would have managed to convince the owner to let her drive it.

They even took a few pictures, planning on adding them to the album of Irisviel’s photos that Arturia had given to Illya, at her mother’s request. When they went back home, Illya quietly went to her room, murmuring she wanted to go through the album on her own. Arturia understood that completely, for she wanted to be alone as well.

Once she was alone, the tears slowly began to fall. As no one would see her and no one would interrupt her, she could afford to let her guard down and think of her best friend, her friend who was no longer alive. That meant that she could afford to mourn her loss.

A year since her best friend had died. A year since she had started taking care of Illya on her own. A year since she had come to live with Gilgamesh.

It was a long while before she managed to get a grip on herself, but when she did, she had reached a conclusion.

Irisviel had not had much time alive, but she had made the most of it, making sure not to regret her choices and taking care of the people she loved. _All_ the people she loved, refusing to neglect anyone, especially since she knew her time was limited.

Perhaps she should learn from her example instead of always stalling and occasionally even running away.

But first, she needed to be certain that she wasn’t making a mistake.

…

…

...

~Where should we go~

...

…

…

A few weeks later, when Illya was at school and they were in one of the living rooms, she couldn’t keep concentrating of her paperwork because she kept feeling his eyes intent on her. She looked up.

Gilgamesh was staring at her with longing and desire, but she was quite confident about the fact that it wasn’t because he considered her something like a prize to win. Probably.

Suddenly, she couldn’t take it anymore. She couldn’t keep guessing, walking on the edge, remaining uncertain; she disliked her doubts, and she finally exploded.

“Why do you want me, Gilgamesh!? You can have anything you want from your life, you are rich and you have no worries in your life – _why_ do you stubbornly insist on wanting _me_ _?_ ”

To her slight astonishment, he did not seem surprised by her outburst and kept holding her gaze.

“You are a fool, Arturia.” In spite of his words, his tone was calm, almost gentle. “I may have riches, but they are not the real treasure.”

Her eyes flashed in warning, completely unconvinced by his statement.

“Then it means that you want to add me to your collection. You only want me because I’m a challenge. If I give in, you will bask in the thrill of success but then, give or take a few weeks, perhaps a couple of months if you’re really infatuated, you will get _bored_.” She eyed him coldly. “I won’t stand for being a trophy. I won’t stand for being your momentary fixation and then for being discarded.”

“I will _never_ discard you.”

His words came out in a low hiss, and while she could sense the underlying danger in them, she decided to disregard it.

Looking into his eyes directly, she went on, seemingly changing the subject, “Have you ever read the book Mansfield Park, Gilgamesh? You’re as charming as Henry Crawford… but equally as flippant with your pleasures.”

She turned around, ready to leave the room, but she was suddenly embraced from behind.

His mouth was next to her ear as he murmured, “Oh, so you think I’m charming?”

She tensed at the proximity.

“I did not give you permission to touch me,” she replied stiffly, moving her head to the side in an attempt to be away from his mouth. “You _think_ you want me, but you will just move on to the next more desirable thing once you’ve had your fill of me. And no, I don’t believe I’m mistaken, nor will I take a chance to find out.”

She broke free from his grasp and rapidly reached the door with a few firm steps. She had just opened it, ready to finally leave his suddenly more imposing presence, when he spoke again, and this time, there was much more emotion in his voice.

“You refuse to admit that you are falling in love with me, Arturia.”

She turned around abruptly, hating the fact that her cheeks were reddening, and she gave him a defiant glare.

“I am _not–_ …!”

“You _are_ ,” he countered, eyes sharp, “you’re both falling for me and denying it.”

He suddenly paused, studying her carefully. “I told you already, Arturia. I _am_ patient, because I love you and I am capable of waiting for a woman who is worth it, but I will not stand by and just watch as you struggle to stifle your real feelings.”

His teeth flashed for a moment, menacingly. “Take the time you need to fall for me. But don’t deny that you are doing it.”

…

…

...

~The future advances~

...

…

…

“Please, Arturia?”

The blonde woman nodded, giving in to Illya’s innocent request.

“Tomorrow would be a good day for such a trip.” The weather forecast had announced rain the following evening but otherwise a pleasantly sunny day, therefore it was going to be ideal to go to the beach.

Illya clapped, making Arturia’s heart warm at seeing her happiness, and then jumped to her feet.

“I’ll ask Uncle Gil if he wants to come too!”

Arturia froze for a second as the child ran out of the room to look for him, but then controlled herself. She needed to stop being so guarded whenever he was in the same room with her, and now also whenever his name was mentioned.

As it turned out, Gilgamesh had work to do and couldn’t come with them, which brought quite some displeasure to Illya, while it was a curious mix of disappointment and relief for Arturia. She refused – once again – to ponder too much over it.

When they came back in the evening though, just minutes before it suddenly started to rain, Gilgamesh couldn’t help snickering loudly at the sight of her face, while she huffed and looked away, slightly embarrassed.

She wasn’t used to being exposed to the sun for such long periods of time, therefore she had gotten sunburnt; her face, and especially her nose, were bright red. She knew she made for a funny sight, but that didn’t stop her from glaring at Gilgamesh when he attempted to guide her inside by putting his hand lightly on the small of her back. After all, it wasn’t just her face that was sunburnt, even though he didn’t need to know that.

Before going to sleep, she took a cold shower, which helped, but not enough to soothe the uncomfortable itch and allow her to sleep. Restless, she paced her room for a while before going downstairs, resigning herself to reading a book or something through the night, as she didn’t have anything that would allow her to sleep.

She had just entered the living room when she heard the house door open and close. Puzzled, she went to see who it was, and met Gilgamesh’s eyes as he shook the rain from his umbrella. When he saw her, he gave her a strange smirk before tossing something at her. She caught it, and stared at it in shock.

It was sunburns lotion. She looked up at him again, seeing his strange smirk still in place, and her eyes darted to his drenched coat.

He had gone out in the rain to get her the lotion.

“You flinched too hard when I touched your back earlier,” he told her simply, making it clear that he had understood that most of her body was sunburnt.

His smirk widened. “That also revealed to me, however, that you own a two-piece swimsuit, which means that I’m _definitely_ coming with you and the little devil to the beach next time.”

She replied to his grin with a glare, but it was only half-hearted this time. She was looking forward to applying the lotion on her itching skin, but first, she wanted to prepare hot tea.

At the questioning gaze she could feel following her, she explained curtly, “You will catch a cold if you don’t drink something hot now.”

His expression was almost annoyingly pleased as he followed her then, but they were both surprised when they found Illya entering the kitchen as well, rubbing her eyes and asking if she could have an extra dessert. Arturia decided she could give in this once.

As she took out a few sweets for Illya, she put water to boil and, when she turned around, Gilgamesh was in front of her, leaning down and kissing her rapidly.

Taken by surprise, she pushed him back vehemently, repressing a wince at the pain in her arms.

“Stop it,” she said firmly, her voice low. “Stop kissing me without my permission. It only confuses me.”

He inclined his head to the side.

“What about my love for you confuses you at this point?” he asked, completely relaxed.

Illya heard those words and looked between the two adults, puzzled.

“Why do you say that, Uncle Gil? Don’t you love Arturia the same way you love me?” Then she seemed to reconsider. “Mmm… but you aren’t evil to Arturia like you are with me.” Her face turned anxious. “But then… does it mean that you don’t love me?”

Arturia’s eyes left the child to go back on Gilgamesh, wondering how they were going to tackle this delicate subject with Illya present, but she shouldn’t have underestimated his bluntness.

With some slight annoyance in his tone, Gilgamesh replied, “My love for Arturia is different because it’s romantic, in the sense that I want to marry her. I certainly don’t want to marry _you_ , little devil.”

Illya seemed reassured for a moment, but then she frowned.

“I don’t understand, Uncle Gil. Aren’t you two already married? You aren’t siblings and you live together, so you’re obviously married.”

The little girl wasn’t very knowledgeable on the subject of marriage; for example, Illya didn’t know what exactly a divorce was, but she associated it with her father leaving the house he had lived in with her and her mother, therefore she assumed that two people living together had to be married. Arturia knew this, but she hadn’t expected it to complicate her already difficult situation with Gilgamesh.

She managed to get out, “We aren’t married, Illya. I’m still… deciding.”

Illya’s frown deepened.

“But didn’t mommy say that you need love to get married? And it’s obvious that you love Uncle Gil like he loves you. Isn’t that what love is?”

Arturia tried again, carefully avoiding even glancing in Gilgamesh’s direction.

“Well, love is different for every person, Illya. But usually, when you love someone, it means you put them first. It means you care more about them than yourself and look after their wellbeing, and–…” She stopped abruptly as she realized what she was saying.

Illya was staring at her, her frown slowly distending.

Her voice serious, she simply said, “Then I’m right. You love both me and Uncle Gil, but you love him in the marriage kind of way. Same as he does with you. Why aren’t you married then?”

Arturia chose not to reply, instead doing something she considered highly un-educational: giving Illya another sweet to distract her before sending her to bed.

She just couldn’t bring herself to give her a reply.

…

…

...

~We’re crossing over the territory of fate~

...

…

…

Four days later, her burns just healed, she strode towards Gilgamesh’s study, knowing he was there. When she knocked and entered, she could see that, while bewildered by her presence there, he wasn’t displeased at all.

“Are you still interested in me?” she bluntly asked, her tone business-like and detached.

His eyebrows rose but, recognizing that she had a purpose behind her question, nodded easily.

She took a deep breath.

“First of all, I want to make a few things clear.” She stared straight at him. “I like my independence on certain matters, on many matters, in fact, and therefore I don’t like being controlled or influenced in what I decide to do. It’s one thing to discuss a decision, another to have someone else decide for me. I also like my privacy,” she went on, surprised that he hadn’t interrupted her. “For example, my mail, my phone, my possessions – I don’t like other people going through them, even when I give them permission. That of course implies that I don’t like people being invasive.”

Her eyes sharpened. “I will not accept you trying to decide for both of us, or for Illya for that matter. Illya’s welfare will always come first.” She waited for a second, and then continued, “I want to pursue my working career seriously, without interference or help, and should it interest you, I don’t plan on ever having children of my own.”

Taking another deep breath, she closed her eyes before looking at him again. “Knowing all these things,” she studied him carefully, “if you are fine with them, then I would like, very much, to start dating you.”

She was still standing in the middle of the room, but she didn’t allow that to stop her. “Would you have time to go out to dinner with me on Saturday?”

She had thought he would need a few moments to take in her monologue, but she was taken aback when he smirked widely at her.

“No, I wouldn’t,” he flippantly informed her. “Because I plan on cooking at home. With you.”

Arturia narrowed her eyes slightly before adding, her tone sharp, “Another thing. I don’t like the idea of having sex on the first date, therefore it won’t happen.”

His grin was almost splitting his face in two by this point.

“I don’t recall ever forcing you to do anything, my love.” He rolled his eyes then. “But of course I know the most important condition: ‘don’t rush Arturia’. And as I said, that is fine.”

This time, it was not a grin – it was a smile. “I told you. I can wait for someone who is worth it.”

Arturia stared at him for a while, and then she suddenly took a few steps closer to him, now standing directly in front of him.

“Stay still,” she instructed him, the tone not that of an order but of a request. A request, it seemed, he was willing to grant.

Carefully, she leaned towards him, studying him the whole time, and slowly pressed her lips against his.

She wanted to kiss him by choice, she wanted to kiss him _herself_ , not just _be kissed_ by him.

It felt even better than she had thought it would.

He resisted only for a few instants, then he pulled her to him with a low moan as he stood up and walked around the desk without breaking the contact. His arms surrounded her, holding her body flush to his possessively, the kiss deepening with urgency and passion, filled with longing and intensity, as if his life depended on that simple contact between them.

This time, there was no hurry, none of them intending to end the kiss any time soon. Arturia had all the time she wanted to respond to his touch, to kiss him back with the same powerful emotions.

And she did.

…

…

...

~The long awaited dawn~

...

…

…


End file.
